but I was all you had.

< I don't want to die here, Helly. >

Helly sat with Numair's head in nir lap, stroking his long hair gently. His voice was muffled by the fabric of Helly's skirt, his head buried in his arms.

< No one wants me to be Cynn. I don't want me to be Cynn. It isn't fair, > he muttered.

should I have taken you and run?

< Is that all my life will be? > Numair went on, more to himself. < Working in a dark room for and with people who despise me, until what? One of them kills me?? It isn't fair. >

or, at least, allowed you to run away, any of the many times you tried?

but I did not, could not, do either thing.

< I have to get out of here. >

Numair paced angrily. Helly merely watched him, answering patiently, < Where will you go? >

< A long way away. I don't know. >

< How will you live? >

< I'll make things, fix things--I'll sell spellwork. I can work. >

< What about your medication? > Helly asked. < How will you get that? >

Even in his anger, that made Numair pause.

and eventually--

< I...I do not know, > Numair admitted, fists still clenched.

--your rage died out.

Numair turned on his heel and strode away, growling, < Not yet. >

or else, you made some other use of it.